Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
