You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
