I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I pour the whiskey from now on
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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