i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
