I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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