I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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