what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
