So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
