I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
