His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
