Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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