I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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