It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
