im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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