Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
