Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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