I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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