Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
