I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
