Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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