Don't you send me to vm
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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