No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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