There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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