why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
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You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
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I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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