FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize