i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
