I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
