Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
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Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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