she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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