yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Randomize
