I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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