so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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