Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
