the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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