my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
