If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
