Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
