Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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