no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
