Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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