you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
