so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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