Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
