also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
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He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
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He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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