Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
pop tarts are not kleenex
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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