I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
now i know why i became what i already was.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
