shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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