I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
