Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
