I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
