You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
In America we eat man semen.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
