he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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