I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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