Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
