Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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