Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
