i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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