I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize