made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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