he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
