I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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