All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
