garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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