dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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