weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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